山上的第一篇幅。

这是一则真人真事。

那天，我忙着，客人很多，要求五花八门。 我撇见一角有几位女士，对着我的店指指点点，然后拿起相机照了几张照。 然后其中一人过来，用英语问了我一个问题，以下是我们的对话记录。

"why you put the weighing scale there ah?"

"huh?!"

"the weighing scale. why you put there?" 她指向店面上方，外人来来往往容易看见的一角。

"ohhh!! because behind the wall we have a cabinet, so the we put the thing there..."

"no cannot!! you must put it down!!

我开始明白是怎回事，却装傻。

"and what is the other thing ah? u must take it down also!!"

"OK!"

"take it down later!"

然后她像取得了胜利地离开，和其他几人聚合。 我刻意拉了个员工，在她面前指指点点。

她到回来。

"i see you have problem of thinking who am I?"

"ya...you are?"

"i'm the GENTING TENANCY MANAGER."

"ohhh...but you should've introduced right?"

"i can see you are very new here."

"yes. i am new"

"i'm here for very long time. take it down later."

很多时候，这种人真的让人觉得沮丧。　我不知她是否知晓，我早知道她是什么身份，却装傻。职位，一点都不重要。为何她有一幅不可一世的样子，以为所有人都该对她谦卑?

慢慢觉得，职位高，水准不一定高。　有水准的人，　职位高否一点都不重要。

tenancy manager?! 不外如是，说华语她该会舒服很多。

M1: BROS bottle

M here doesn't mean mature, metro sexual, money or even Martin. But mission.

Up until the minutes these article is written, I still think a water bottle which cost RM49.90 is kinda expensive. Or it is expensive.

But that just what I bought last week.

BROS. I'm unsure if it's indeed as luxurious as it seems, but my motive is simple. Trying to reduce a little of plastic usage.

Maybe many don't realize, nor having the least idea of, how many rubbish & trashed items we Human produce a day. Let's imagine this.

One chained retail coffeehouse brings at least one big bag rubbish a day. Then we have a total of 45 same brand stores nationwide. And we have uncountable different cafes, restaurants, mamak etc in our country. & to add up to the calculation, 1 bag only = those slow volume outlet outside major mega malls.

I do believe in this. For what we don't see, we don't see the picture. For what we never been, we take things for granted.

I used to buy a mineral water while taking bus back to my hometown, & the plastic bottle often dumped straight into the rubbish bin once I'm home. RM2.50 x 2 ways. I would have created some high value in-disposable trash while quenching my thirst.

& I do watch cinema movies very often. I'm not a fan of chilled soft drinks yet most of the times I would have bought one or two. & left some mess only the cinema staffs know after the movie.

What I'm doing is not to create some huge changes to save the World, but only some tiny effort in doing good deeds.

Of mixed thought.

For countless times, when the rhythms filled the empty corners, I knew, things are going to be OK. & for many many times either, I get empowered, knowing the bad hours is over.

I once text ed out: when you feel comfort & eased every time you heard the voice, you know it has touched your soul, & etched your memories.

So please don't ask me, what do I like about him. We all know, what attracted us in the beginning, stays for just a period, then vanished into thin air without we even knowing it.

10 years. I would say to sums up everything in 10 years by just a word, it's greedy. & stupid in many ways.

Things changed. When the least you expect them.

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.

For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.

Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.

What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. -RM

I questioned my emotions after I read the article. I shouldn't has the type of depressed feelings, yet I kept having the thought of: Of all the many people in this world, why him?!

Worsen when none of my friends found it shocking like I did.

I wouldn't say I was telling lie to myself all this while, only to have him portrayed as an idealised idol of mine. I wouldn't build up an image, simply for my own satisfaction. I truly admire his goals, his works, his mind all these while, even if they are indeed some public image.

I've finally have an answer, to my questionable depression towards his confession.

For many years, I wish I can be like him, doing what we are passionate of, inspiring & encouraging others while having things right.

Now I've learnt, acceptance. From now on, you can ask me, why him

这天。

浑浊，这是我对过去几天生活下的结论。

思绪乱时，日子跟着过得浑浑噩噩地，时间观仿佛消失无踪。然后矛盾与疑惑慢慢侵袭脑袋，寸寸剥削掉自信和力气。

一直到昨天。


昨天，新的工作环境，第一回让我觉得充满朝气。适度的忙，远远好过过分的闲。我于是，发了则短讯，探探上司的满意度。

Of coz..that's why I want you to be at upt..all the boss will be happy if the sales improve after you took over...but sad u leaving..:( 我得到的回复。

字里行间透漏的讯息，让我顿了顿，兴奋感瞬间停了。想起友人问的，我会否意气用事? 我想，不是的，再不离开，我会对这个comfort zone赖死不走了，我想。

arhhh...you pray everyday sales like this before i tender my letter lah. :D 我这么回复，最后那个smiley，有点倔强。


然后回家上网，99则Facebook notifications，将我先前的纪录狠狠刷新。

两个photo album， 117张相片，将近四十的难以替代的脸孔。大家你一句，我一句，管它是否有的没的，不理会有多自恋，嘴有多贱...读着读着，觉得煞是难得。

有人问说: so, happy lah?! 99个notifications喔...

开心，是肯定的。它是互动的结晶，友情还没触礁的证明。虚有的交情，多没乐趣。


将时间稍微调早一些些，就在我发出了那则简讯，然后还没开始上网，正回着家的路上。脑海里，反反复复着一段调调，一首歌。

SOLER的《暗器》，他们早期的作品。

暗器暗里慢慢 刺入他心扉 没有戒备
差点生了杀机 没处可避

试过设法尽力 避免触摸到你 或者紧紧抱你
紧守咫尺距离 荆棘恋上了蔷薇

没有理由，不需要道理，它的旋律，还有字字浮现的歌词，完全俘虏了当下的听觉。当我沉醉于Facebook时，耳边不停地重复着这一首歌。

于是，我向人说：唔知点解，《暗器》is the song of the day. :)

忽地，觉得生活其实很好。不需要华丽的装潢，没有勉强的话语，就只有简单的自我调整。life's indeed Magical.

你们的用心，我看见了。

那天，在我即将离去的那刻，他的表情，是那么的真切。我不知该说些什么，只能嬉弄他的感情丰富，说些让自己看来很不以为然的话。

他，是我的员工。

就算到了今天，还有人说：之前听说他一直在奉承我，是否属实? 我听了，笑笑，不甚作答。

今天，电话的那一头，他透漏的语气混淆着失望，还有无奈。我听着听着，不知能说些什么，希望自己的几句“对不起”能让他好过一点。

他，是我的上司。

有人问说：为何我不要调换至于另一个区域，这个上司有点... 我听了，只说，他对我不差。

呵呵，写着写着，想笑，冷冷地笑。

辛辛苦苦建立起来的默契，狠狠瓦解的瞬间，我办不到些什么。只能淡淡地告诉自己，我一直都以心相待。几行字，纪念我们合作的时光。

i'm just a man who isn't good with words, who acts like a headless fly when panic, & covers my true feelings with fake expressions.

the time with you all, have been a blessings, though i'm sure i've told you people countless times.

rest assured, it's etched, eternally, in my Heart.

is there anything i left out? i hope not. the things i don't tell, doesn't mean i don't care. what i've said, i meant them.

i shall return, sooner than you think. Adios. :)

Merely An E-Letter

I still remember the times when Internet wasn't popular, or affordable by many, we used to write a message or 2 on a card, enclosed it in a Red Envelope, then send them out with our most sincerity.

those were the moments, waiting never a waste of time.

it is understandable, with the speeding changes on our style of living, words often expressed in texts, & minds read via E-messages.

now in the World, waiting is such a luxurious behaviour.

i do hope, there is any chances nowadays, which i am able to disconnect myself from anything cyber, & have a good time.

so, before I sign myself off FB, to fully cherish the moments with the faces matter most for the next few days, hopefully, I am here, writing.

To all the Solermates, we will share some good tunes, 2 nice looking hot bods, & countless laughter and joy again, when the Sun rises again. which I'm pretty sure, it won't be long.

To all the talents in the mind inspiring industries, life had been wonderful, with the materials u all created. in the near future, your 'Next' is simply worth looking forward to.

To the nice people I met in every far & away land, any trips would be dull without you involved. shall we just arrange some time to meet up again?

To everyone who's working & have worked with me, it is always such a pleasure with you around. I know you all are demanding, & I am such a pain in the ass, but this is how sparkles, lights up the boring working atmosphere.

Lastly, to someone who behave like a Fly, things never end, unless we make them. i'm not sure if the situation is a rut now to u, but stay a while more, let's see if there's Magic.

love the drawing, forgot if i did tell u.

Till we meet again someday somewhere, I am here wishing you all, live well, eat healthy, spend wisely. & a great year of Tiger ahead.

Let's prosper in Love, in Life. Gong Xi Fa Cai. :)

Fire & Ice.

my friend once said I'm like Fire. easily get along, & bring everything near burn into arrays of flame.

which means i'm popular. sort of. merely on the wall of fake illusions.

i responded: yupe. bought everything up high burning, then left because i don't know how to put them off.

then this friend is like Ice. to me at the very least. freezing cool, tend to chill everyone near into statues of iceberg.

which means he's popular too. obviously. who doesn't want to try conquer & melt the icy behaviour?

he replied: *yawn* i only see ice through my eyes. Hahaha

when the 2 of us clash? is it going to be the End of the World? perhaps not.

2 of us are famous, with the different elemental character. i who like to put sparks in the group i'm in, he who try to chill away all the unwanted approaches he gets.

2 of us are poor, in the opposite site of social acts. i who would always turn people down by not keeping things warm, he who would disappoints himself by the Atlantic power of his.

2 of us are fake, what people see ain't what they are getting. i who have a diamond hard stone beyond all the smiles, he who has the warmest sparkle of light within all the stares.

when the 2 of us clash? i think it's going disaster. he will bring up the Best of his Ego, denying he's actually breaks easily. & i shall bring out just the ultimate power of Sun, to prove i'm impossible to freezed.

& the War has just begun. so as the fun.

相处。

一些东西，像电影，音乐，话语，我们会有先入为主的影响。

就说音乐好了。听惯了的，尽管并非原唱，我们会深深爱上。然后一天听见原唱，就算它是经典，我们还是觉得不太对。

还有话语。假设我们习惯了用英语和某人沟通，始终换不了其它的语言。

那么，人与人相处的模式，是否也有同样的现象?

有些人，我们不常见面，我们习惯用MSN，或FB聊天，也可以用SMS互相贬低彼此，完全像是好朋友一般。但当彼此碰面之时，会语塞，会有舌头纠结的现象。然后下一秒钟大家离开，SMS又来了，彼此又“忽地”要好了，又笑了。

究竟，我们见面时的尴尬，是怎么一回事?

又有些人，我们常见面，聊得很开，就像知道彼此肚里收着几条虫似的。一旦在网络上碰面，礼貌性地send了: HI, how are you? 再加一个笑脸，就完全停住了。忽然，彼此向陌生人版，说什么都像作假，刻意虚伪，会想到底应该说些什么。

究竟，我们不见时的陌生，是怎么一回事?

若果说，相处之道也有先入为主的方式，我会选择后者。

始终觉得，彼此碰面时的要好，会比较真诚。互动也活活地在眼前，不会受任何谣言动摇。我会相信他在网络的另一端忙着，无暇闲聊。也会相信没有再聊的必要，彼此平常说得还不够吗?

前者呢?

就由我，慢慢将你心中的冰山劈开，除非你不要。:)

Worried / 担心。

without a single doubt, i was utterly shocked, by your sudden appearance. hence, i asked: why do you come here?

i know, i must have looked uncomfortable. because i would have welcome you, just like i always did.

you smiled, & answered. what you've told, wasn't matter at all, it was the smile, that i couldn't understand. what lies beneath it, was what i wanted to know the most, but i moved my sight away.

"i tried to pull you back in the group so badly"

i worried. i wasn't ready.

afraid that what's kept in my mind might be easily seen. without a word, you can read them all. though i know they have actually shown, from the files & books i dropped during our short Q&A.

i'm not retarded. but as surprisingly as it is, i am, in front of you.

& i am. putting everything behind a shattering mask.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

你说: 谈到我的偶像，我真的...

“眉飞色舞?”，抢先一步，我接答。

呵呵。话题沿着他们打开，有官司，也有厕所自慰的笑话。

"Make sure you come to KL again. Or else...we fly to HK. hahaha. short & simple."

当官司案了解之后，我这么留言给他们。有没有矫情，我不知道。

你说，支持偶像，还是保持一点距离地好。你又说，我还真的像是家人一样，会替他们担心。

我记得我说，如果距离都已经那么近了，为何要刻意地将它拉开? 我想，那无非是勉强地把大家实在的一面加以掩饰，愚昧地骗自己说，大家都很完美。

我不记得你是否说，他还真是很真性情咧! 我没有异议，大家做回自己，不惺惺作态，那才是写实。正如我和你，不是吗?!

担心，与像不像家人没有关系。

放眼2010。

那天晚上，我半工半娱乐到工作地点倒数。人很少，气氛冷得要命。转眼，已过了十天。

有点矛盾，仿佛自己的时间观感早已失灵。十天，像一瞬间，又像过了好久。

这一年，我没有什么resolutions，没有什么很想要突破的重围。自己知道，过去的十二个三十天，过得很好。太好，我可以这么说。也许正是这样，我怕今年比不上去年。

日子好在于我，不是拥有大笔大笔的钞票，不是住洋楼驱开篷车。不是工作岗位多高，不是多被人器重，不是出国喝洋酒的多寡。不是别人浏览我的FB与blog多少回，更不会是有多少人在我的photo album留言。

我在乎的，是当我往后看，看见多少回忆。

我尝试在一霎的光与影之中，捕捉它的精彩，化作永恒。试着在每日反复的作息当中，给自己，也给别人创造一丁点的惊喜。

当然，还有你们全部。

日子好在于我，是知道家人朋友过得好好地，是知道大家工作顺意，是知道互相理解包容，是当我看见你笑，我知道我们还在一起。

只要心还在，我们会在某处再见。

让我们一起给大家多一点信心，我们要更好。

兄弟。

万万没料到，新一年的第一篇幅，我会写这个。

以为，人说兄弟不合，大不了只是因为两人的想法不同，生活脚步不一致而已。两人，其实都好好的，就少些交际而已。

我想，我错了。

我想起很久很久以前，友人开始戏说我喜欢某某某同性时，他可以对我说：“ABU!! 要做的话敢敢去做，不要以后后悔”。

那时，我傻眼。他说的这番话，相似随口而出，却听起来那么地真挚。一句话，可以轻而易举地，俘虏大众的心。

N年以后，轮到哥哥的份。

他写：i mean don't kacau me.. i am not gay. if u want to gay, gay other place

这时，我大跌眼镜。他写的这一行子，我读了觉得他自以为是到不行。一行字，就那么简单地，让人看清他的内涵有几两重。

同样的一个话题，围绕在两兄弟身上，竟可以得到截然不同的回应。原来，看待事情的角度，方才是让人不合的最大理由。

认识了弟弟那么多年，我想，答案他是有的，真相他是知道的，根本没必要去理会大众的嬉闹，还可以落落大方地加以配合，乐乐大家。

认识了哥哥同样那么多年，我想，答案他不知道，真相他不清楚，却会自己往他人的话题里钻，丢了脸然后逞强地把面子撕破，让别人对他的印象荡然无存。

我打从心里想告诉他，他弟远远比他来得讨好，他马屁追也追不上。

我不清楚他们兄弟的感情究竟如何，但从今天起，大概也可知晓一二。因为，我有这么个性格的兄长的话，不会和他融洽到哪里。

犯贱。

有个女的，年纪轻，不过十来岁，和友人从东马过来念书。她人很漂亮，身材一流，意外地除了小女生惯有的脾气，工作算很勤力的了。

他朋友告诉我：她一天吃喝玩乐，可以用上几百零吉。我也见过她时不五时便搭乘taxi代步，好不奢侈的样子。

我陷入思考。

一个女生，难道要她省钱搭乘公共交通?! 那么脏，不方便，误站误点，还分分钟看司机白眼。要她节俭吃路边档?! 有点不卫生，又热，吃到汗水滴落多难看。要她存钱别花无谓钱唱K看电影血拼?! 那么，她还可以干些什么?

有点明白，为何现在的女生，无钱一切免谈。

有个男的，年纪还可以，二十来岁，从菲律宾过来工作。他人不英俊，身材短小，意外地撇开所有臭男人必有的习性，口才还非常一流。

很多人告知我：他人很friendly。我却看见：他常有的没的，工作不算认真，却在某些公司高层面前，假惺惺地展示自己的才能。

我再陷入思考。

一个男人，为何不能对自己工作要求点?! 说什么菲律宾的他不是酱的，来到这里变了个样。为何不能有骨气点?! 在背后说人怎样怎样，在他们面前还是条畜生。为何不能不能成熟点?! 管你怎样被骗，怎样被排斥针对，怎样失去动力，工作态度还是要有的。

有点不明白，为何现在的男人，无钱还一切免谈。

当身边的人，实际得吓人，我已见怪不怪。

以前我觉得，拜金主义的女生很贱。现在却觉得，她们都被这个价值扭曲的社会牵着脚步走。谁不想要生活轻松一些，女生嘛。

现在我觉得，败权主意的男人很贱。以前却以为，它们都是被社会种种的不平衡影响，内心还是正直的。谁不想要工作简单一点，男人咧。

女生可以妖似狐，男人大可cheap如狗。是的，大家何不贱一点，丢弃一切原则道德信仰，变为一只动物生活。犯贱，也是生活之道。

你们可以酱叫我。

这位伯伯，嘴很贱。

他会常常fatty fatty声称呼我，嬉弄一轮后呵呵呵笑。时常，我看他咧着少了几颗牙的嘴大笑的样子，也想笑。

我知道，他没有恶意，无非想找个幌子打发时间。虽然，我常会想，有酱肥没有？！然后理亏似的望望自己的肚皮。

终于我要离开那天，他问我要电话号码，说以后可以在马六甲见面，请我吃饭。然后他从上衣袋子里掏出了一本小册子，问我：些什么名？

中意你啦，写咩都得，我说。

写kopi肥佬ah？他问，完全把我归纳在“肥”的category里。根深蒂固，摆脱不了。

然后他用很端正的笔画写下：012-906XXXX，咖啡肥佬。呵呵。

已成往事。

那天，我一个人，收拾着。

在那里的那些日子，没有华丽得耀眼的成绩，更没有刻骨的往事。可我遇见的脸孔，说过的话出的糗，构成生命的一段回忆。

有人说：他们注定不让你离开我。呵呵，我知道她在说笑，却瞥见她眼角浅浅泛着的泪光。我知道那不是错觉，人始终是有感情的生物。

我端着他们的Orange Juice和Cappucino，知道这也许是最后一次。我告知他们，然后预见一丝难过的神情。他们离开，男的牵着老伴，一步一步走。希望他们安康。

他说：后会有期。我不隐瞒让他知道，香港人说这句话，特别有味道。是的，我们大多不会这么和人道别，都说：Take Care。


还有很多人，我来不及道别。也有一些人，注定让你在最后的时候察觉，原来你差点忘了他们。这些人，常见面，却只单纯点头示意，没有太多交集。

在那最后一刻，他问我要打火机，我远远挥手示意，没有。那时，我只想问他要电话号码，或Facebook。

我说：How are you?! 你腼腆的答说fine，声音小得可以。你脚步不作停下，不给我任何继续交谈的空间。

他们出现，是上天要我知道自己一直蹉跎的愚蠢，还是它慈悲给予的最后一个机会?!

脑里哼着周董的歌，“想回到过去，试着让故事继续...”我望着空乱的空间，觉得空气很沉。兴盛衰败，我们什么也办不到。自己已步入往事的一份子，轻若鸿毛。

Copy & Paste. :D

Don't Lie To Kids

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

The little girl says, 'What's under there?' The man answers, 'A bird.'

The girl goes away and the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.

A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, 'What happened?'

The man answers, 'I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl.'

So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.

When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.

She answers, ' I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird. After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs!'
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Boss and his Secretary

Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was
down. His secretary walked up to him and asked 'Boss this morning when you left your house did you close your gate ?' Boss was not smart enough to understand so he went back into his office looking a bit puzzled !

When he was about done with his paper work he suddenly noticed that his
Zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him then boss finally understood.

He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his
secretary. When he reached her desk He said 'When you saw the gate open did you see my BMW parked in there ?'

The secretary smiled for a moment and said 'No Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Kancil 600 with 2 flat tyres.'

Boss went back to his office mumbling... kan ni ne......!

I Would Like To Know How She Thinks, & What She felt. :)

She woke up early. Took a shower, dressed up, "what a lovely morning" she thinks.

She reached her workplace, or maybe her institute, on time. The place is still dark, the CoffeeBean is not yet opened. She pulled a chair, & have her breakfast, a chocolate bun, which she bought while on her way.

After a while, the cafe is opened, her friend comes & join her, they were both waiting, & have a nice chat. They didn't know, that the cafe manager's observation n them is ON.

When they left, the manager yelling from behind, "Excuse me, Miss", with a toast on his hand. Obviously he was preparing customer's order."Would you please throw away the plastic after eating?"

She left the plastic cover of her bun on the table. Her face turned dark, arranged back the chair, picked the plastic & walked away.

I was the one yelling. I've always think, they are young, educated, pretty, so there should be just a little bit manners. Or else, sorry.

My staff asked: "Takkan stewardess pun takde manners kot?!" "Itulah" my answer.

That was in the morning. Then I saw her passed by my outlet again in the evening, obvious enough she was still upset. She avoids having eye contact with me, but somehow I felt like she was trying to be happy in the way she walks.

Suddenly I feel bad. Her day was spoilt, indirectly from her deeds, but straight from my words. Maybe she was just forgetful, or I might have spoken to her in a proper way. Free seating might be unwell, but rude is definitely bad.

"You started your day with a bad attitude" My staff said.

I was kinda agreed. "Just assume, I woke up from the wrong side of the bad today" & laughed.

Maybe I will say sorry to her someday. Because I know I will see her again, as long as we are still under the same roof, KL Plaza.

A World Beyond Ours...read at your own will.

There's flood again. In our own country this time, the Northern state Kelantan.

I read this on the papers days ago. Having the thoughts of what's happening to our mother Earth now. The recent disasters in every part of the world, are they the warning to us again?!

'Sekarang dah tak macam dulu kan. Dulu kita dapat predict macam pukul berapa akan hujan. Sekarang hujan lebat bila bila masa saja' my staff said.

Then I looked out. Was kinda ready for the change of weather in just a minute, & the strike of thunder storms to follow, again. But the sky is clear, streets are calm, things are fine, which is rare.

Suddenly this thing cross my mind. What if...everything is unpredictable?!

I told my staff, 'what if suddenly snow falls here, right along the busy streets of Bukit Bintang?!'

'What if Dinosaur suddenly appears out from nowhere?'

'Itu tak mungkin. Macam mana salji nak turun kat sini?! Kita kan dalam zon Khatulistiwa' he said, as if I'm stupid.

Well. I've said, unpredictable. Which for sure don't judge based on any logic, or do they make any sense. He just don't get the idea.

If we looked back, is there anything ever happened in reality, which was beyond logic to us?! Says the typhoon in Malacca?!

I have no intention to talk too much about weather. Those would sounds way too commercial since 2012 is nearer. Tomorrow when I'm writing this. I was merely having my own imaginations, of a world without logic & predictions.

If a man can die out of a sudden, right when he's walking to his office, with no pain no nothing. As if he has fallen asleep.

If the quakes can happens anytime anywhere. We are no longer in a safe zone. Do we still have pity on those suffered the aftermath!?

If butterfly bites. If flies attack humans. If rabbit grows to the size of elephants.

If H1N1 vanished in the next day morning. If the rain never stops for more than 13 days. If there's no rules, no boundaries. If we, live at our own risk.

Chaotic!? I guess it is.

But I do believe, we will be more responsible for our deeds, with more respects & loves to life itself. For when we live in a world as such, eternal would seems far & away, we'll value each & every minute, before the next. There shall be twilight within the darkest of humanity. I believe.


PS: I doubted myself why I had these unreal imaginations, perhaps I was badly influenced by the upcoming 2012. Haha.

PS2: I went to purchased the ticket for tomorrow's show. From 7.30pm onwards, all left only 1st row! Unbelievable. & I said mother fucker to a friend. Which shocked him. Hahaha.

味道。

我随手拎起了一件衣服，嗅了嗅，立刻将之放下，捡起另一件穿上。

那件衣服，很香，是我之前在越南中部，Hoi An一间七美金一夜的廉价酒店处送洗了的。我不舍得穿上，理由说来可笑，我生怕再洗刷过一次，会将那股香气洗掉，然后越南的那一段时光也随之淡去。

好笑对吧?!

去年，我一样对某一件衣服的香气，尽可能地将之保留。那时，每每闻到那淡淡的味道，总回忆起那段回不去的时光。走过的路，遇见的脸，和旅途上佛与色的矛盾。那是，泰国的回忆。

我想，人，也算是味觉系生物吧。

小时候，我们会对一颗小小的枕头，喜欢得不的了，睡前总会嗅嗅，才能睡得安心。就算年纪大了，也不舍得丢弃，哪怕上头沾染过大量奶水和口水的混合物。我们眷恋，那段有它的安稳时光。

人说：人与人相处，靠的是身上荷尔蒙的味道。哪天，他她走了，我们怀念起那股体味。如果人还在，多好。所以，我们有了辛晓琪的歌。

某街某处，我们吃上了一碗好好味的汤面，说：有家的味道。是的，妈妈炒菜煲汤，爸爸泡的Kopi O，所有的一切，靠着那丝丝的美味，我们记着。离家久了，越觉浓烈。

味觉的功能，我们用来辅助记忆力，让自己记着某段时光，回不去的美好。这么形容可不可以? 呵呵。

这些日子，很好。

曾经，有人这么说: 没有题材可以blog，是因为没有坏事发生。所以，应觉得高兴。

那时，我想，是的。

现在我离开的这么段时间，是否就表示日子过得安好?!

记得启程往越南那晚，我决定让自己与生活短截，看看自己可以做到什么程度。友人在FB上问: 我过得那么写意，何来消失的念头?!

呵呵。原来，往往别人看见的只是表面。风光背后的代价，只有自己知道。

也许，那也已足够。他人不懂，也可省却虚假的问候。

是时候，整顿思绪，理理面容，送你们一句: 我回来了。

A Thief & A Casualty?!

This is a story about learning to protect yourself.

This certain guy came into where i work. He kinda started an argue with 1 of my staff. They are both male, though this guy is obviously into the same sex.

OK. before he came in, I've had an idea of what happened. My staff was being "peep" from far during his business in the toilet. It was this guy who set his eyes on him. Then when he passed by my outlet, my staff couldn't hold himself any longer & shouted at him: Apa you pandang pandang ni?

So they fought when I wasn't around. Thus this guy returned after a while, perhaps he feels angry being shouted at.

Basically I don't know the exact scenario. In the toilet or in the outlet. So they fight. I was caught in between & listen.

The sissy guy say:

1. Where he wanna set his eyes is his freedom. He can look at anything he like.

2. If my staff thinks it is no longer safe to pee using toilet bowl, he might use the toilet rooms. "To protect himself."

3. He was standing far from my staff. He couldn't see anything from that distance, some more he's facing his back.

4. He didn't approached him near. So there's no proof or something that in ways harassed my staff.

5. My staff said he sort of licked his lips in seductive form when facing him. He claimed that he may do that whenever his lips are dry...

6. HE SAID: HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING. HE JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO MY STAFF, HOW TO PROTECT HIMSELF IN THE WORLD WE ARE LIVING IN. IT'S RUDE TO SHOUT AT PEOPLE WHEN WE ARE ON DUTY. THERE'S SO MANY TYPE OF PEOPLE, HE SHOULD BE EDUCATED BY ME HOW TO BEHAVE & BE POLITE!

This is what I told him. Even eyesight can be harassment. I think he doesn't know.

This is what I told my staff. You are taught by a thief not to show your "asset" openly. haha.