Of mixed thought.

For countless times, when the rhythms filled the empty corners, I knew, things are going to be OK. & for many many times either, I get empowered, knowing the bad hours is over.

I once text ed out: when you feel comfort & eased every time you heard the voice, you know it has touched your soul, & etched your memories.

So please don't ask me, what do I like about him. We all know, what attracted us in the beginning, stays for just a period, then vanished into thin air without we even knowing it.

10 years. I would say to sums up everything in 10 years by just a word, it's greedy. & stupid in many ways.

Things changed. When the least you expect them.

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.

For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.

Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.

What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. -RM

I questioned my emotions after I read the article. I shouldn't has the type of depressed feelings, yet I kept having the thought of: Of all the many people in this world, why him?!

Worsen when none of my friends found it shocking like I did.

I wouldn't say I was telling lie to myself all this while, only to have him portrayed as an idealised idol of mine. I wouldn't build up an image, simply for my own satisfaction. I truly admire his goals, his works, his mind all these while, even if they are indeed some public image.

I've finally have an answer, to my questionable depression towards his confession.

For many years, I wish I can be like him, doing what we are passionate of, inspiring & encouraging others while having things right.

Now I've learnt, acceptance. From now on, you can ask me, why him