这天。

浑浊，这是我对过去几天生活下的结论。

思绪乱时，日子跟着过得浑浑噩噩地，时间观仿佛消失无踪。然后矛盾与疑惑慢慢侵袭脑袋，寸寸剥削掉自信和力气。

一直到昨天。


昨天，新的工作环境，第一回让我觉得充满朝气。适度的忙，远远好过过分的闲。我于是，发了则短讯，探探上司的满意度。

Of coz..that's why I want you to be at upt..all the boss will be happy if the sales improve after you took over...but sad u leaving..:( 我得到的回复。

字里行间透漏的讯息，让我顿了顿，兴奋感瞬间停了。想起友人问的，我会否意气用事? 我想，不是的，再不离开，我会对这个comfort zone赖死不走了，我想。

arhhh...you pray everyday sales like this before i tender my letter lah. :D 我这么回复，最后那个smiley，有点倔强。


然后回家上网，99则Facebook notifications，将我先前的纪录狠狠刷新。

两个photo album， 117张相片，将近四十的难以替代的脸孔。大家你一句，我一句，管它是否有的没的，不理会有多自恋，嘴有多贱...读着读着，觉得煞是难得。

有人问说: so, happy lah?! 99个notifications喔...

开心，是肯定的。它是互动的结晶，友情还没触礁的证明。虚有的交情，多没乐趣。


将时间稍微调早一些些，就在我发出了那则简讯，然后还没开始上网，正回着家的路上。脑海里，反反复复着一段调调，一首歌。

SOLER的《暗器》，他们早期的作品。

暗器暗里慢慢 刺入他心扉 没有戒备
差点生了杀机 没处可避

试过设法尽力 避免触摸到你 或者紧紧抱你
紧守咫尺距离 荆棘恋上了蔷薇

没有理由，不需要道理，它的旋律，还有字字浮现的歌词，完全俘虏了当下的听觉。当我沉醉于Facebook时，耳边不停地重复着这一首歌。

于是，我向人说：唔知点解，《暗器》is the song of the day. :)

忽地，觉得生活其实很好。不需要华丽的装潢，没有勉强的话语，就只有简单的自我调整。life's indeed Magical.

你们的用心，我看见了。

那天，在我即将离去的那刻，他的表情，是那么的真切。我不知该说些什么，只能嬉弄他的感情丰富，说些让自己看来很不以为然的话。

他，是我的员工。

就算到了今天，还有人说：之前听说他一直在奉承我，是否属实? 我听了，笑笑，不甚作答。

今天，电话的那一头，他透漏的语气混淆着失望，还有无奈。我听着听着，不知能说些什么，希望自己的几句“对不起”能让他好过一点。

他，是我的上司。

有人问说：为何我不要调换至于另一个区域，这个上司有点... 我听了，只说，他对我不差。

呵呵，写着写着，想笑，冷冷地笑。

辛辛苦苦建立起来的默契，狠狠瓦解的瞬间，我办不到些什么。只能淡淡地告诉自己，我一直都以心相待。几行字，纪念我们合作的时光。

i'm just a man who isn't good with words, who acts like a headless fly when panic, & covers my true feelings with fake expressions.

the time with you all, have been a blessings, though i'm sure i've told you people countless times.

rest assured, it's etched, eternally, in my Heart.

is there anything i left out? i hope not. the things i don't tell, doesn't mean i don't care. what i've said, i meant them.

i shall return, sooner than you think. Adios. :)

Merely An E-Letter

I still remember the times when Internet wasn't popular, or affordable by many, we used to write a message or 2 on a card, enclosed it in a Red Envelope, then send them out with our most sincerity.

those were the moments, waiting never a waste of time.

it is understandable, with the speeding changes on our style of living, words often expressed in texts, & minds read via E-messages.

now in the World, waiting is such a luxurious behaviour.

i do hope, there is any chances nowadays, which i am able to disconnect myself from anything cyber, & have a good time.

so, before I sign myself off FB, to fully cherish the moments with the faces matter most for the next few days, hopefully, I am here, writing.

To all the Solermates, we will share some good tunes, 2 nice looking hot bods, & countless laughter and joy again, when the Sun rises again. which I'm pretty sure, it won't be long.

To all the talents in the mind inspiring industries, life had been wonderful, with the materials u all created. in the near future, your 'Next' is simply worth looking forward to.

To the nice people I met in every far & away land, any trips would be dull without you involved. shall we just arrange some time to meet up again?

To everyone who's working & have worked with me, it is always such a pleasure with you around. I know you all are demanding, & I am such a pain in the ass, but this is how sparkles, lights up the boring working atmosphere.

Lastly, to someone who behave like a Fly, things never end, unless we make them. i'm not sure if the situation is a rut now to u, but stay a while more, let's see if there's Magic.

love the drawing, forgot if i did tell u.

Till we meet again someday somewhere, I am here wishing you all, live well, eat healthy, spend wisely. & a great year of Tiger ahead.

Let's prosper in Love, in Life. Gong Xi Fa Cai. :)

Fire & Ice.

my friend once said I'm like Fire. easily get along, & bring everything near burn into arrays of flame.

which means i'm popular. sort of. merely on the wall of fake illusions.

i responded: yupe. bought everything up high burning, then left because i don't know how to put them off.

then this friend is like Ice. to me at the very least. freezing cool, tend to chill everyone near into statues of iceberg.

which means he's popular too. obviously. who doesn't want to try conquer & melt the icy behaviour?

he replied: *yawn* i only see ice through my eyes. Hahaha

when the 2 of us clash? is it going to be the End of the World? perhaps not.

2 of us are famous, with the different elemental character. i who like to put sparks in the group i'm in, he who try to chill away all the unwanted approaches he gets.

2 of us are poor, in the opposite site of social acts. i who would always turn people down by not keeping things warm, he who would disappoints himself by the Atlantic power of his.

2 of us are fake, what people see ain't what they are getting. i who have a diamond hard stone beyond all the smiles, he who has the warmest sparkle of light within all the stares.

when the 2 of us clash? i think it's going disaster. he will bring up the Best of his Ego, denying he's actually breaks easily. & i shall bring out just the ultimate power of Sun, to prove i'm impossible to freezed.

& the War has just begun. so as the fun.

相处。

一些东西，像电影，音乐，话语，我们会有先入为主的影响。

就说音乐好了。听惯了的，尽管并非原唱，我们会深深爱上。然后一天听见原唱，就算它是经典，我们还是觉得不太对。

还有话语。假设我们习惯了用英语和某人沟通，始终换不了其它的语言。

那么，人与人相处的模式，是否也有同样的现象?

有些人，我们不常见面，我们习惯用MSN，或FB聊天，也可以用SMS互相贬低彼此，完全像是好朋友一般。但当彼此碰面之时，会语塞，会有舌头纠结的现象。然后下一秒钟大家离开，SMS又来了，彼此又“忽地”要好了，又笑了。

究竟，我们见面时的尴尬，是怎么一回事?

又有些人，我们常见面，聊得很开，就像知道彼此肚里收着几条虫似的。一旦在网络上碰面，礼貌性地send了: HI, how are you? 再加一个笑脸，就完全停住了。忽然，彼此向陌生人版，说什么都像作假，刻意虚伪，会想到底应该说些什么。

究竟，我们不见时的陌生，是怎么一回事?

若果说，相处之道也有先入为主的方式，我会选择后者。

始终觉得，彼此碰面时的要好，会比较真诚。互动也活活地在眼前，不会受任何谣言动摇。我会相信他在网络的另一端忙着，无暇闲聊。也会相信没有再聊的必要，彼此平常说得还不够吗?

前者呢?

就由我，慢慢将你心中的冰山劈开，除非你不要。:)

Worried / 担心。

without a single doubt, i was utterly shocked, by your sudden appearance. hence, i asked: why do you come here?

i know, i must have looked uncomfortable. because i would have welcome you, just like i always did.

you smiled, & answered. what you've told, wasn't matter at all, it was the smile, that i couldn't understand. what lies beneath it, was what i wanted to know the most, but i moved my sight away.

"i tried to pull you back in the group so badly"

i worried. i wasn't ready.

afraid that what's kept in my mind might be easily seen. without a word, you can read them all. though i know they have actually shown, from the files & books i dropped during our short Q&A.

i'm not retarded. but as surprisingly as it is, i am, in front of you.

& i am. putting everything behind a shattering mask.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

你说: 谈到我的偶像，我真的...

“眉飞色舞?”，抢先一步，我接答。

呵呵。话题沿着他们打开，有官司，也有厕所自慰的笑话。

"Make sure you come to KL again. Or else...we fly to HK. hahaha. short & simple."

当官司案了解之后，我这么留言给他们。有没有矫情，我不知道。

你说，支持偶像，还是保持一点距离地好。你又说，我还真的像是家人一样，会替他们担心。

我记得我说，如果距离都已经那么近了，为何要刻意地将它拉开? 我想，那无非是勉强地把大家实在的一面加以掩饰，愚昧地骗自己说，大家都很完美。

我不记得你是否说，他还真是很真性情咧! 我没有异议，大家做回自己，不惺惺作态，那才是写实。正如我和你，不是吗?!

担心，与像不像家人没有关系。

Calling all UP6W!!! you you you you!!!

due to the konon konon overwhelming responses to my JOB last year, i was highly acclaimed by many, or just SOMEONE, to continue my service again. kononlah. :D

so here we are again, in the year of the Tiger, reunite as 1 for the 10th times since 2000.

am i making a mistake here?! are we getting this old? :P

Date & Time: 14th FEB 2010 7PM
Venue: Seow Huey's new house ( yay!! new is the word we all like )
Nak Buat Apa: Pot luck

in case any of you really Sua Gu-er than me, not knowing what is Pot luck, please Google it before you ask. hehe.

but 1st of all, the venue is not finalised, i was informed by SOMEONE, she's OK for us to bring some mess to her house on that very 1st day of Lunar Calendar.

So, what are we gonna do this time? if we are really to celebrate the aging 10th Annivesary?

please give some ideas. I am just providing a discussion room here, i am not the ORGANIZER ya!! :P

but anyway, here are something:

1. remember our reunion night falling on Valentine as well. how bout we all dress up only red & white?

2. if SOMEONE is bringing watermelons, make sure you have the effort to slice them & then serve. :P

3. i'll really appreciate if we have more sushis from SOMEONE again. haha.

4. for SOMEONE and SOMEONE who don't Facebook, can somebody please inform them what we are all up to later? the more the merrier, the merrier the messier. unless we all really want them to be unseen. haha.

5. what else?!

6. please throw in all of your ideas & comments. rubbish are too acceptable lah.

wishing everyone prosper in the coming Lunar Year. like SOMEONE shouts always: HUAT ARRR!!!

& SOMEONE said: it's kolot. hahahaha.

ABU again. ;)

7. oh ya!!! this time i write in English, because SOMEONE don't understand their mother language. :P

放眼2010。

那天晚上，我半工半娱乐到工作地点倒数。人很少，气氛冷得要命。转眼，已过了十天。

有点矛盾，仿佛自己的时间观感早已失灵。十天，像一瞬间，又像过了好久。

这一年，我没有什么resolutions，没有什么很想要突破的重围。自己知道，过去的十二个三十天，过得很好。太好，我可以这么说。也许正是这样，我怕今年比不上去年。

日子好在于我，不是拥有大笔大笔的钞票，不是住洋楼驱开篷车。不是工作岗位多高，不是多被人器重，不是出国喝洋酒的多寡。不是别人浏览我的FB与blog多少回，更不会是有多少人在我的photo album留言。

我在乎的，是当我往后看，看见多少回忆。

我尝试在一霎的光与影之中，捕捉它的精彩，化作永恒。试着在每日反复的作息当中，给自己，也给别人创造一丁点的惊喜。

当然，还有你们全部。

日子好在于我，是知道家人朋友过得好好地，是知道大家工作顺意，是知道互相理解包容，是当我看见你笑，我知道我们还在一起。

只要心还在，我们会在某处再见。

让我们一起给大家多一点信心，我们要更好。

兄弟。

万万没料到，新一年的第一篇幅，我会写这个。

以为，人说兄弟不合，大不了只是因为两人的想法不同，生活脚步不一致而已。两人，其实都好好的，就少些交际而已。

我想，我错了。

我想起很久很久以前，友人开始戏说我喜欢某某某同性时，他可以对我说：“ABU!! 要做的话敢敢去做，不要以后后悔”。

那时，我傻眼。他说的这番话，相似随口而出，却听起来那么地真挚。一句话，可以轻而易举地，俘虏大众的心。

N年以后，轮到哥哥的份。

他写：i mean don't kacau me.. i am not gay. if u want to gay, gay other place

这时，我大跌眼镜。他写的这一行子，我读了觉得他自以为是到不行。一行字，就那么简单地，让人看清他的内涵有几两重。

同样的一个话题，围绕在两兄弟身上，竟可以得到截然不同的回应。原来，看待事情的角度，方才是让人不合的最大理由。

认识了弟弟那么多年，我想，答案他是有的，真相他是知道的，根本没必要去理会大众的嬉闹，还可以落落大方地加以配合，乐乐大家。

认识了哥哥同样那么多年，我想，答案他不知道，真相他不清楚，却会自己往他人的话题里钻，丢了脸然后逞强地把面子撕破，让别人对他的印象荡然无存。

我打从心里想告诉他，他弟远远比他来得讨好，他马屁追也追不上。

我不清楚他们兄弟的感情究竟如何，但从今天起，大概也可知晓一二。因为，我有这么个性格的兄长的话，不会和他融洽到哪里。